


Stupid Things

by Yndilwen



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Stucky - Fandom
Genre: 1940's Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes Feels, Captain America: The First Avenger, Drabble, Howling Commandos - Freeform, M/M, One Shot, Peggy Carter - Freeform, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes - Freeform, Steve Rogers does stupid things, Stucky - Freeform, Stucky freedom, This is literally the first time I'm doing this tagging thing, somebody help me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 23:10:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8820007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yndilwen/pseuds/Yndilwen
Summary: After Steve rescues Bucky from Hydra the first time, Bucky has an interesting conversation with Peggy Carter where she tells him all about the things that Steve did at Camp Lehigh (including jumping on a grenade). Let's just say that Bucky wasn't too impressed...





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So this is literally the first of my work that I'm posting on archive your own. I'm a little nervous tbh! Please don't hesitate to let me know what you think though! I really hope you enjoy!

_“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.”_

When Bucky opened his eyes to Steve, he had believed he was dead. He had believed that the torture he had endured at Zola’s hand had finally killed him. Steve didn’t look like Steve anymore. He was tall, taller than Bucky and muscular. Surely he was dead? There was no way Steve could ever look like that. Not with all his ailments.  
During their long march back to base camp though, Bucky had come to accept that he wasn’t dead and that Steve had gone and done something pretty stupid. In Bucky’s books, letting a scientist experiment on him was pretty stupid. Still, Bucky couldn’t find it in himself to be mad at Steve for it. If Steve hadn’t done something like that and hadn’t gone against orders to come find him, Bucky was pretty sure that he’d be dead now. So Bucky left it. He kept his mouth shut. He rolled with the punches. He learned to accept what was going on; learned to accept that Steve was big and strong and that he no longer needed Bucky. He no longer needed Bucky to protect him- Steve was the one doing the protecting now. He wasn’t just protecting himself and Bucky for that matter, no, Captain Steven Rogers led and protected an entire unit, the Howling Commandos.  
And Bucky learned to accept that too.  
That didn’t mean that it made it any easier on him.  
That didn’t mean that he didn’t miss the skinny kid from Brooklyn that could fit so perfectly in his arms. That didn’t mean he didn’t miss feeling _needed._  
_“Let’s hear it for Captain America!”_  
Captain America. Not Steve Rogers. God they’d pulled him in after all! He’d gone and found a way into the army, a way into hell. Bucky hated the world for doing that to his best friend. Steve was strong now though, able to look after himself. Still, that didn’t make Bucky hate the world any less. They still took his Stevie and turned him into a soldier; a bloody super-soldier who would carry the heavy burden of war and not just as a solider, but as a national icon, a hero. He never wanted Steve to get blood on his hands, never wanted Steve to have to point a gun at someone and fire. His hands were made for painting, not killing!  
You see, Bucky Barnes had always gone and gotten his hands dirty for Steve. He’d fight off the bullies that picked on Steve, patched up Steve’s wounds after fights. He carried things that were too heavy for Steve, cleaned his clothes, shined his shoes, looked after him when he was bedridden with sickness…  
He went to war for Steve.  
Men joined the army because they had something back home that they wanted to protect. They went to war to make sure that the enemy never ever got their hands on that precious thing. For Bucky, Steve was that precious thing. He went to war because he wanted to contribute to a future for Steve without war. Without a war that Steve thought would finally prove his worth to everyone. He went to war because he already knew that Steve was worth _so much_. So much more than Bucky thought he could ever deserve.  
Steve had gone and done something really stupid, hadn’t he? And yet, still, Bucky couldn’t find it in him to be angry at him for it.

 

Bucky was bent over a jug of beer. It didn’t taste half as good as he might have wanted it to. The pub around him was stuffy and warm, alive with music, cheering, dancing and talking. Although the air smelt of alcohol and sweat and stuck to one’s skin, it still kept the cold night air at bay so no-one was going to complain. Sometimes someone would shout across the pub to someone else and boisterous laughter would follow. He ignored the way his fringe stuck to his forehead or the way his shirt stuck to his arms. He ignored the talking, the laughing... He ignored all of it.   
There was a poster hung on the wall of the pub with an illustrated picture of Steve on it. “Tour cancelled.” Bucky read out loud, shaking his head, a gentle smile playing at the corners of his lips. He still couldn’t believe that Steve had started off as a chorus girl. If he survived the war, he told himself that he would go find a recording of it just so he could make fun of Steve for it.  
“Sergeant Barnes?” He took a break from peering into his beer jug gloomily. Looking up, he found the breathtakingly beautiful Peggy Carter standing in front of him, leaning her elbow on the bar top. Agent Carter wasn’t wearing a dress like she had the other night so Bucky assumed that she was here on business. “Ma’am.” He nodded a greeting. He wasn’t going to try and flirt again; he doubted that his ego would survive something like that again. Besides, he really didn’t feel like flirting much anymore. He had done it mostly out of habit, to force some normality into the chaotic world that had become his reality. “Have you seen St-.” She broke off, her red lips twitching as if she had wanted to smile, “Have you seen Captain Rogers?”  
“Ain’t got a clue where he is ma’am. Sorry to disappoint.”  
“Sergeant?” He realized that he’d averted his eyes somewhere along the line and he cleared his throat, looking up at Agent Carter again with a forced smile.   
“Is there something else I can help you with ma’am?” He asked her. She studied his face with her brown eyes, the gentlest of frowns ghosting across her features for a moment. “You look like you could use some company.” She smiled at him, taking a seat at one of the bar chairs.   
“Can I get you something?” He offered but she shook her head with a courteous smile. He was hardly company for a lady in the state he was in. He’d probably had too much to drink, would probably forget to be polite and charming. His hair was a mess, he knew that much, and his uniform was dishevelled, the top few buttons of his shirt undone. He couldn’t even remember where he’d left his tie. “I can imagine that all of this isn’t very easy on you, Sergeant.” He let out a sharp huff, nodding his head and peering down at his beer jug again solemnly, “I’m not just talking about being held captive by Hydra. That in itself must have been horrendous but you know what I’m actually talking about.”  
“He’s so big now.” Bucky conceded with a broken smile, “Thought I was dead when I first saw ‘em again.”  
“I can imagine.” Bucky could hear a smile in her voice, “Did he ever tell you the story behind his transformation?”  
“Jus’ that Dr Erskine took’m in and experimented on ‘em.”  
“Oh.” The surprise in Peggy’s voice got his attention again and he looked up at her, pushing his jug away a little. “So he never told you about his training at Camp Lehigh before the experiment?”  
“He went to basic training before getting the serum?” Peggy must not have noticed the anger underlining the surprise in Bucky’s voice because she smiled.   
She settled down a little, looking to Bucky as though she was preparing to tell him her favourite story. “When he arrived at Camp Lehigh, our supervisor thought all of it was a bad joke. Compared to the others, well frankly speaking he was far too small to be much of a soldier. He had trouble keeping up with the rest of them. He was always the last to complete any of the exercises they were given. Often times he was short of breath and had to take breaks. I heard other soldiers place bets on how long it would take before they shipped him out in an ambulance.”  
“Did they choose him because he was small?”  
“Partly. Dr Erskine had been the one to give Steve the okay to enlist. Steve had managed to catch the doctor’s attention not with his size or strength, but with his personality. As I already told you, Steve had tremendous problems during basic training but then one day he did something that proved Erskine’s theory about Steve to be true.”  
“What happened?”   
“Oh you should have seen it!” Peggy exclaimed with a fond blush decorating her cheeks. It made Bucky’s stomach twist. Made him want to gnash his teeth together as hard as he could. “It was on the day that Erskine came to the Camp to pick out the candidate for the experiment." She added.  
“What did he do?” Bucky asked her a little impatiently.  
“He jumped on a grenade!” Bucky blinked. Then blinked again. Then he frowned.  
“Excuse me?” Yes. That was it. He must have heard it wrong.  
“It was a test.” Peggy explained, “They had just finished doing some push-ups when Colonel Philips threw a dummy grenade right into the middle of the group. Of course they had no idea that it wasn’t real. When the Colonel called out grenade everyone scattered. Everyone except-.”  
“Steve.” Bucky finished for her and she nodded enthusiastically.  
“He jumped right onto the grenade, curled his body around it and yelled for everyone to get out of there.”  
_“Go! Get out of here!!”_  
 _“No! Not without you!!”_  
“That sounds like something Steve would do.” He deadpanned, picking up the jug in front of him before taking one last, long gulp of his beer to empty out the pint. He felt like he was about to be sick. “I hate to be rude Agent Carter but as much as I enjoy your company…”  
“It’s all right.” She smiled at him understandingly, gesturing to the door with her head, “After the past few weeks I’m sure you can use all the rest you can get. Have a good evening Sergeant.”  
“You too ma’am. Thank you for your time.” He nodded at her respectfully before excusing himself and making his way out of the crowded bar.

His footsteps were heavy and now that he was moving, he felt the effects of the alcohol a lot more. He really shouldn’t have had that much to drink but he always tended to forget how much he was drinking when he was lost in thought.  
He made his way along the muddy dirt road, listening to the way his boots squelched in the mud. He stomped past comrades that greeted him with loud, drunken voices, gritting his teeth when some called after him even once he had made it clear that he had no interest in talking to them.   
The more he thought about what Peggy had just told him, the more it felt like the blood in his veins was heating up. Hadn’t he told Steve not to do something stupid? Going to basic training although he had _asthma_ and _heart problems_ , along with a whole lot more that Bucky didn’t care to count up now, and jumping on a _grenade_ … Well, Bucky had more than a few things to say to Steve! If the punk carried on his amazing streak of stupidity, then he’d probably end up crashing a plane into the ocean, for all Bucky knew. That thought got him even more riled up.  
“How could he be so stupid?” Bucky asked himself angrily, combing the camp for any signs of Steve.

 

By the time he had searched the entire base camp one tent after the other, he had sobered up considerably but that didn’t mean he was any less angry. The forest surrounding the camp was dark, the moon’s light kept out by the thick canopies up above. He broke the first line of trees in a rush, boots still squelching, breaths heaving slightly. “Steve?” He called out, groaning when a cold shiver ran down his spine. He really should have gotten his jacket first before trekking off into the woods. The air in the woods was considerably cooler and smelt of damp leaves and wood.

Eventually, he found Steve.

He was sitting in a small clearing on a fallen log with a sketchpad on his knees and a pencil in his hand. He was wearing a white t-shirt and the dark green pants of his uniform. His dog tags were glinting in the light of the lantern he had set down on the log next to him for light. “Hey you punk.” Bucky marched over to him with a frown. Steve looked up. He noticed the tight line to Bucky’s shoulders immediately and he put the sketchpad down before getting up hastily.  
He was towering above Bucky a little and it made Bucky want to punch something... _hard_...  
“Buck. I wasn’t expecting you to come looking for-.”  
“You wanna tell me how you could go and be so stupid?!” Bucky interrupted him angrily. Steve frowned, taking a defensive step back and crossing his muscular arms across his chest. “What’re you talking about?” He asked Bucky.  
“I’m talkin’ ‘bout jumping on a freaking _grenade_!! Or how ‘bout you goin’ to basic with all your… joining the _army_ with all your bloody sicknesses! That was suicidal and y’know it! If Erskine hadn’t put that serum in ya, you’d be a dead man!”  
“Who told you?” Steve frowned, clenching his jaw.  
“Don’t matter.”  
“Who told you?”  
“That pretty dame of yours!” Bucky snapped, shocking even himself with how bitter he sounded. Still, it didn’t throw him off one bit. “She told me all ‘bout it! The whole damn spiel! ‘Got her thinkin’ you’re a damn hero!” Steve’s eyebrows twitched and he averted his blue eyes, looking indecisive.  
“I ain’t gonna apologize for what I did Buck.”  
“Yeah ‘cause you did what was right!” Bucky retorted, “It’s all ya care ‘bout! Doing the right bloody thing, ain’t that right Steve?”  
“I’m not going to let you make me feel bad about doing the right thing Bucky!” Steve insisted, the line between his eyebrows becoming more and more pronounced the more upset he got. Still, his voice was yet to become louder and he watched Bucky sway a little while he stood.   
“Sure Stevie!” Bucky drawled, “I mean, ya did the right thing! Ya let a crazy scientist experiment on you, you went to the army although that could’a killed you and then ya jumped on a grenade. Fuck what happens to everyone else!!”  
“What the hell are you going on about?!” Steve raised his voice, “I did all of that _because_ I wanted to help people; because I wanted to _protect_ people!”  
“Since when is this not all about you?” Bucky was almost yelling by now, “You’re doin’ all of this ‘cause you wanna prove yourself!”  
“This isn’t about me!” Steve insisted, throwing his hands up in the air in exasperation. It was a gesture that Bucky used to find endearing but now that Steve was so much bigger, it looked off, upsetting Bucky even more. “Yeah fine! This is all ‘bout me then!” Bucky ploughed on unthinkingly, “This is ‘bout me ‘cause I don’t wanna lose ya! ‘Cause what’s be the bloody point of comin’ back from the war if ya ain’t there for me to come back to?? ‘Cause I can’t always be ‘round to protect ya and then ya do stupid things and get hurt! God I promised…” He paused, running his hand through his brown hair, sighing, “I promised your ma that I would look after ya Stevie!” Suddenly all of the anger he had felt was gone and his body felt like a big bowl of jelly, swaying from side to side uncontrollably. “And then you do stupid things when I told you… I _told_ ya not to!”  
“Buck-.”  
“No. I ain’t done yet! Jus’… just listen!” Bucky was practically pleading! Steve’s frown shifted from displaying anger to worry and he was in front of Bucky in no time, placing a hand on the slightly shorter man’s shoulder, steadying him, “Okay. I’m listening Bucky.” Steve promised quietly and Bucky nodded.   
“I thought I was gonna die.” He admitted, “I thought I was never gonna see ya again Stevie. Then I wake up and you’re right there. Big. Different. And then suddenly you’re outranking me and looking after me and it’s all messed up. I’m turning into you and it’s like some sort of nightmare. I wasn’t kiddin’ when I said that the other day. I hate it! You don’t need me. You don’t-.”  
“Don’t say that!” Steve interrupted him, crowding closer to Bucky, “Don’t say that I don’t need you! I’ll always need you! You’re still Bucky and I’m still Steve. Nothing’s changed Buck I-.” Steve’s voice broke off when Bucky gestured to Steve’s body with his hands, “Look at my face Buck.” Steve pleaded, “Look at my face. Look at my eyes. What do you see?” He paused, giving Bucky a moment to look up at him.   
“I see the bluest damn eyes I ever saw.”  
“See? They’re still mine. I’m still me. I’m still that kid from Brooklyn and I’m always gonna need you Bucky.”  
“What for?” Bucky muttered dejectedly, clenching his jaw for a moment before continuing, “You got everythin’ you could possibly want.”  
“Yeah. You’re right.” Bucky wanted to turn and walk away at that but Steve stopped him, his hand clamping down on Bucky’s shoulder firmly. He would never have been able to hold Bucky in place like that before the serum. “You’re right: I have everything I want.” Steve spoke up after a short pause, smiling the smile he reserved only for Bucky, “You know why though? Because I’m here with you. That’s what I wanted. I wanted to stand next to you, fight with you, protect you just as much as you've always protected me.”  
“But you do stupid things.” Bucky insisted weakly.  
“Yeah.” Steve laughed, “But that’s what you’re there for Buck- you make sure I don’t get myself killed. I have a unit to look after but while I’m so busy looking after everyone else, I’ll need you to watch my six. I trust you with my life Buck, always have. And I know you won’t let me down. That’s why I need you- ‘cause you’re the only one in my life like that.” Bucky didn’t know what to say to that. He blamed the rest of the alcohol in his system when he leant forward and rested his face in the crook of Steve’s neck. Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky welcomingly and Bucky sighed. It did feel a whole lot different with Steve being so big but yet it still felt like Steve. It felt like home. It felt good. “I’m sorry.”  
“Didn’t ya say you ain’t apologizing?” Bucky asked.  
“I’m not apologizing for the grenade, the training or the experiment. I’m apologizing for upsetting you.”  
“S’fine. Can’t stay angry at your ugly mug anyway.”  
“Jerk.” Steve muttered fondly.  
“Punk.” Bucky drew in a deep breath, allowing himself to snuggle up to Steve more, “M’sorry for yelling.”  
“You’ve been through a lot. It’s okay. I get that all of this must be difficult for you. Probably more difficult than it is for me.” Steve muttered.  
“Just gotta get used to all of this.” Bucky tugged at Steve’s shirt gently. Steve smiled when he felt the weight Bucky was leaning on him, increase. Bucky was tired. “You want me to take you to your tent?” Steve offered but Bucky shook his head.   
“Tell me again why you need me.” Bucky asked him quietly and Steve chuckled. He didn’t let go of Bucky. He liked to tell himself that it was his turn to warm Bucky after all of the winters it had been the other way around. In truth, though, he wasn’t quite ready to let go of Bucky just yet. “I need you ‘cause you’re my best man Buck.” He heard Bucky chuckle, his warm breath flowing over the skin on Steve’s neck, making him shiver. Steve let himself enjoy the moment more than he normally would. They were alone and no-one could see them, no-one could shove them into an alley and beat them up for what they were doing. On the other hand, Steve knew that no-one was going to lay a hand on either of them anymore, not while Steve was around to fend them off. Steve finally had the strength to fight for something that was important to him, and Bucky? Well, Bucky was pretty damn important to Steve.  
“Maybe this ain’t all bad.” Bucky admitted with a smile, “I mean, you do give pretty decent hugs.”  
“Thanks Buck.” Steve grinned, pulling Bucky a little closer and resting his head on top of Bucky’s, sighing contently.   
“Don’t you ever leave me Stevie. If you do, I swear to God… I’ll kill you.”  
“I promise I won’t leave you Buck. I’m with you till the end of the line remember?”  
“Yeah.” Bucky smiled, “Same here. I’m with you till the end of the line, pal.”

* * *

 


End file.
